You're The One That I Want
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: When Will forces JJ to admit her pregnancy to the team, Emily is concerned by his seeming lack of respect for her. She's not the only one. Emily x JJ
1. Chapter 1

**AN./ This story takes place after Will essentially forces JJ to admit she's pregnant to the team (and they have that awkward exchange where he says he's asked her to marry him and she says she hasn't agreed yet). However, the case that the team is in NY for in this fic is NOT the same case as the case in that episode. Only the social setup is the same (the case is imagined and will become relevant fairly soon). ****I was prompted to write this by a discussion I had semi-recently with rose-lou in which I learned I was not the only one who was creeped out by Will's treatment of JJ. _In Heat_ features another good example of this... Okay, preamble over - enjoy! –Bec xx**

**You're The One That I Want**

**Chapter 1: JJ's POV**

When the knock sounded at the door I knew it wasn't Will. Will knocked the way he talked: expectantly, like it was his God-given right to be let in. Emily's knock was firm and yet subdued. As I opened the door she wore a guilty expression like she thought she might be overstepping a boundary.

"I saw Will down at the bar and I thought— JJ, I've been meaning to talk to you."

Having said that, Emily winced like she was kicking herself for the hesitation. I had to smile.

"Come on in," I answered. "Do you want a drink?"

"Why would I drink when you can't?" Emily asked.

She was referring to what Will had oh-so-thoughtfully forced me to explain to the team earlier tonight: I'm pregnant.

I shrugged and replied, somewhat more bitterly than I intended to, "That doesn't stop Will."

"Where should I sit...?"

Will had strewn his clothes and other possessions across the sofa, leaving only one desk chair for seating. I ignored it and gestured to the bed. "There's enough room."

I noticed her taking stock of her options and then of me, wearing nothing but my underwear beneath a silk robe. I'd been in the process of getting undressed when she arrived.

Maybe I would have been self-conscious if I believed Emily had come to talk about the case. My relationship with Will had left me well used to feeling exposed and vulnerable in my personal life; I almost didn't register it anymore.

"This is going to come out badly no matter how I say it," was how Emily prefaced our discussion. "So I want to be clear in advance that I'm not judging you—"

"Emily," I interrupted. "I know you care about me. You're allowed to have an opinion about this." I took her hand to pull her onto the bed and I tried not to profile the way she crossed her legs over the side like she was preparing to stand at any moment. I curled mine beneath me. _I'm not going anywhere,_ I tried to convey without words. Emily was uncertain.

"That's the point, JJ. I'm _not_ entitled to an opinion about your love life. None of us are," she answered sincerely. "That's why it disturbs me that Will is always pressuring you to reveal things to us before you're ready: your relationship, the baby, the fact that he's asked you to marry him even though you clearly haven't said yes—which, by the way, is well within your right. It's like he's trying to get us on his side. And I know I'm not doing much better, sneaking up to your room while he's out to question you, but—"

I stopped her speech with a hand on her arm. "Hey. Don't compare yourself to him, Emily."

She looked up at me with her dark eyes searching. It had been close to an expression of what she suspected about my relationship with Will but it hadn't been overt enough to reassure her. I knew that Emily's intense sense of loyalty was both what had brought her to my door and what was pulling her away every second. I needed to give her enough to convince her to stay. Because I'd realised that I didn't want her to go. I had no one to talk to about Will, not like this.

"You're the only one who's shown concern," I admitted. "We work with the best behavioural analysts in the country but none of the others can tell. He's not showing me off, he's trying to trap me. After that case in Miami I tried to break up with him and between him guilt-tripping me and you telling me to go for him, I became the bad guy. I ran after him. But then I called him to tell him I'm pregnant—I couldn't even say it to his face—and suddenly he expects so much of me. He wants me to leave the BAU, to marry him, to move in together, to 'settle'. But then he's down at the bar drinking without me on the same night? What's that say?"

"He doesn't respect you."

Emily's conclusion was unforgiving and I was so grateful to hear it said aloud, to have some verbal reassurance that it wasn't just me who found Will unreasonable. "It was kind of cute when we started," I confessed, unable to hold myself back now that I'd started. "I thought he was just trying to impress me by taking charge, pushing me out of my comfort zone a bit. He's always got to be the man, you know? But apparently you can't be the man without crushing the little woman underneath you. You know what I mean?"

"Has he ever hurt you?" Emily asked.

"Geez, if he _had_ maybe I'd have been strong enough to leave him," I answered guiltily. "That's awful. I actually wish he had. Just once so I'd have a reason to get myself and the baby away from him."

"Jayj, you _have_ a reason," Emily insisted. "And it's a good one. Will isn't going to change. The more you give him, the more he'll take. You deserve to be with someone who respects your autonomy and understands what's important to you."

"You mean someone like you?"

I don't know what made me say it. It just came out. But those five words sent Emily reeling backwards like she'd been burned. She uncrossed her legs and made to stand but then stopped herself at the last minute and deliberately recrossed her legs. Still she looked positively flight-ready.

"JJ," Emily answered carefully. "Do you think I'm trying to break you and Will up because I'm jealous of him?" Her voice was low, unreadable. She was doing her absolute best to keep her emotions in check and I felt immediately guilty.

"No," I swore. "Em, Will's everything you said he is. You're right. I'm terrified to break it off with him but I know he's not going to change. I also know that I'll feel even more locked in once the baby comes and that, if I'm going to leave Will, I'm running out of time on that clock. I'm sorry I said anything. I know you just want to help."

I was babbling and Emily's face had turned to one of concern.

"You're changing," she pointed out. "Will makes you feel like your opinions aren't valid but they are. You don't have to apologise because you see and understand more than most people. Not to me."

I couldn't ask again but I entreated her with my eyes.

"You're a strong woman, Jayj. If you want to know, ask me. I won't run away. But if you'd rather not know, you can change the subject."

"I don't have any reason to think you'd be interested in me," I protested weakly. "It's just something I said. You've never mentioned dating women—"

"But you notice things, JJ. You're a profiler," Emily pressed. "I'm not upset that you know. I shouldn't even be surprised."

Was that...? Was she _admitting_...?

"Well, do you? Do you think you'd be a better match for me than Will?"

If Will hadn't been so utterly wrong for me it might have come across as a challenge. As it was, we both knew that Emily cared about me far more than he ever had. For a second I allowed myself to imagine it. No more trips down to New Orleans, no more being ordered around his stupid house or being groped in front of his stupid friends from the precinct—people I occasionally had to _work with. _No more being in terror of what he'd say to _my_ friends. No more feeling trapped by him, like I didn't have any other option.

Was Emily an option? Was that what she was trying to tell me?

"I'm gay," Emily finally admitted, although I think we were past that already. "I've known for a long time and I'm comfortable with it, even though I'm happy for the rest of the team to assume otherwise. JJ, I have _always_ assumed you were straight and, as far as I know, you are. The thought of being with me probably doesn't do anything for you and that's honestly fine. It's not why I'm here. I didn't come because I thought I could make you choose me over Will. I just wanted you to know that he hasn't got to me. The way he shows you off at the same time as putting you down—you deserve more than that. I could watch you marry a man you loved and who treated you well but you do, you genuinely do, deserve better than Will LaMontagne."

"How do I do it, Em? With the baby on the way, how do I tell him?" I swallowed tightly. "He's going to guilt trip me and make it about what's best for the baby. It's his child too."

My voice wavered and Emily took my hand. The seriousness of her gaze told me I wasn't supposed to read into the gesture, just take comfort from it. And I did. How was it she made me feel like everything was going to be okay?

"Remember who you are, Jayj," she told me gently. "You are strong and intelligent and independent and even though Will does everything he can to make you feel like you owe him or you need him, you don't. And I know you don't want your child growing up believing that how Will treats you is how a woman is supposed to be treated by her husband." She paused then, like she was tossing up on whether or not to say what came next: "JJ, I wish I could..."

"You wish you could show me how you think I deserve to be treated," I finished when she cut herself off.

"…How you _do _deserve to be treated, JJ."

I knew it was taking a lot for her not to break eye contact. She'd promised not to run away if I looked too deeply into her. Although she didn't do it easily, she was already showing me that she could let me in without shutting down. She was serious.

I used the hand that still held mine to pull Emily towards me and test a gentle kiss against her lips. Her mouth was soft against mine—smooth and pliant and nothing like Will's. She didn't push but she brought her free hand up into my hair and closed her eyes and somehow it was so touching that I forgot to close my own eyes for several moments. I just wanted to watch her.

I felt goosebumps on her arms as I ran a hand down her bicep. She'd already removed the blouse she wore earlier in the day and had arrived at my door in a tight red tank top that I'd given more than a passing glance since then. I could do this, I realised. I could fall in love with her if I let myself. I already loved her. And I wanted her... God, did I want her.

The realisation sent a surge of heightened emotion through me and I deepened our kiss, leaning in further and slipping my tongue out to press between her lips. Emily sighed as she opened her mouth to me and her hand in my hair slid down to brace against my neck and pull me in tighter.

Then, just as quickly, she pulled back. I opened my eyes to find hers wide and searching. I knew she was hesitant to ask but the question was clear in those dark eyes: _Why?_

I didn't know how to answer. All I knew was that I wanted to keep kissing her and that Will knocking on the door was the very last thing I wanted to hear just then.

It was his stupidly entitled _let-me-in-right-now_ knock and there was no doubting it. I gave Emily a desperate look but her face had clouded over, her usual mask firmly in place. Without revealing anything, she ran her fingers through my hair, not to tease me but to straighten it out. So Will wouldn't be able to tell what we'd been up to. There was a subtle smudge of lipstick around Emily's lips and I raised a hand to remove it.

"You'd better answer him," she told me and it almost broke my heart.

Why should I? Why couldn't I just stay here with Emily, safe behind this locked door, and never come out? I knew it wasn't fair. Will may not have respected me but I still felt like I owed him an explanation. I at least owed him the courtesy of opening the door... But could I sleep pressed up against him tonight after kissing Emily? What if _he_ tried to kiss me? The thought sent a wave of nausea crashing over me. How did I think I could even possibly marry this man?

"Did you have a good night?" I asked him dutifully as I opened the door. I could've smacked myself then. Suddenly I was self-conscious about how I acted around Will and I wished Emily weren't here to see.

Will took one look at me and then looked around. Finding only Emily in the room, his tension lessened a bit. Maybe he would've suspected something more if it were Morgan or Reid sitting on my bed. "Agent Prentiss," he drawled. "Something the matter?"

"Not at all," Emily replied. "We were just having a bit of a girly chat." She climbed elegantly to her feet and pressed her hand against the small of my back as she farewelled me. "I'll see you later, Jayj," she told me firmly.

"Bye!" I nearly squeaked but by then she had slipped past us into the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Emily's POV**

Jesus. Why had I had to bloody kiss her? Could I not have controlled myself better than that? Now JJ was up in that hotel room with Will and I was the one down at the bar drinking margaritas. What if she'd felt so guilty about our kiss that she'd fallen into bed with Will the minute I'd gone? My stomach rolled.

_And where's that sting of judgment coming from, Em?_ I asked myself bitterly. She had every right to sleep with him. It was me who'd made a cheater out of her, letting her kiss me like that. I wanted to believe that nothing would have happened if he hadn't interrupted—except maybe JJ apologising and telling me it was all a big mistake—but I honestly wasn't sure. If we hadn't been in the hotel room she was sharing with Will, would I maybe have…?

_But it's not what she wants._ JJ kissing me had to have been an anomaly. Maybe it was one last hoorah for independence. I bet she was telling him right now that she'd marry him after all. They'd have his baby together and JJ would leave the team like Will wanted and I'd always wonder just how the hell I'd been so stupid as to let myself hope...

She'd kissed me like she'd never kissed a woman before! Slow and explorative, marvelling at the different sensations, the feel of a woman's mouth. Maybe she never had, even in college. Maybe she really was that fucking straight. I knocked back the last of my drink and was about to order another when I caught sight of Will.

Hang on. What was he doing down here again? I fell back a bit to watch him and as he reached into his pocket for his wallet I saw dried blood on his knuckles. My heart dropped into my stomach. I badly wanted to confront him but first I had to see if JJ was okay. I took the stairs. There was no way I was waiting for the elevator.

"JJ!" I was out of breath when I reached her door, more from fear than from exertion. Still, I called out. I wanted her to know that it was me and not Will coming back. "JJ, let me in, please!"

She was in my arms the moment the door was open and I held onto her tight, one arm around her shoulder and the other folded between us as I cradled her cheek in my hand.

"I saw Will," I explained hurriedly. "His hand was bleeding. Are you—?"

"He punched the mirror," JJ laughed. Yes, _laughed_. She was clearly still in shock. "Sorry. I was trying to clean it up when you knocked." I followed her eyes to the bathroom where I could see glass shards littering the floor through the open door. "I told him I couldn't marry him. No, worse. I told him I was breaking up with him. He couldn't hit a woman carrying his child but he wanted to. He _wanted to_, Em."

She sounded exhilarated but I was exhausted by the sight of her. My heart was still beating fast but my head was crashing down from the adrenalin high. My thumb stroked her cheek of its own accord even as my brain screamed at me to get away from her now I'd ascertained she was okay.

"It's going to take some negotiating," JJ said breathlessly. "With the baby, I mean. But I'm free, Em. I'm finally rid of the bastard." She nodded toward the couch where Will's things had lain an hour ago but were now gone. "I told him he'd better not come back here tonight. Judging from the alcohol I can smell on your breath, you saw him on his way to get properly pissed and pass out downstairs."

Now I did try to pull away, embarrassed, but JJ had slipped her arms around my waist and was holding on tight.

"Did you mean it before?" She asked earnestly. "You said you had feelings for me. I think you did. Maybe I'm putting words in your mouth. I can't remember now. You definitely said you were gay."

"But you aren't," I whispered. God help me, I didn't know how to handle this. "JJ, be honest. Have you ever been with a woman in your life?"

"Just because I've never done it, doesn't mean I haven't thought about it or wanted to," JJ protested. "I have, Em. I've thought about _you_..." I could see her throat move as she swallowed and the intimacy of that sight, combined with our proximity, had me drawn as tight as a bowstring. "I've appreciated your slim waist, your toned thighs, your ass..." A whimper escaped my lips as her hands slid down my body on course with her words. "Your cheekbones, your gorgeous nose, your dark lips..." These places she traced with her own lips and I was helpless but to let her.

"JJ you can't have thought this through," I gasped as her mouth descended on my sensitive throat. Why was I being tested this way? I'd wanted her for so long. It wasn't fair! "You like men. Will is a chauvinistic asshole but there are plenty of good ones out there. Like Reid, for instance!"

JJ chuckled deeply against my pulse point, "You want me to go find Spence instead, Emily?"

"It was just an example!" I answered. _Fuck… I have no right to be jealous. I have no right. She doesn't really want me. She's just confused. _ "Jayj, you've never been in a relationship with a woman. I'm not going to be the lesbian best friend you sleep with just to try it out. If you want me then there's going to come a day when we have to tell the team, when you have to tell your family and friends about me. Your baby is going to have to know who I am. I'm not just going to be mummy's-friend-Emily. JJ, I can't—"

Now she did pull away and I was torn between breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling her back into my chest. Why did this have to be so complicated? I was okay when I thought there was no hope of her wanting me too. I could be happy for her with Will, at least to the point that it became apparent how badly he treated her.

"Do you think I'm going to do that to you?" She asked, and although I could tell from her expression that it had come out more harshly than she intended, it still hurt. She softened her tone with apparent difficulty. "I know I kept things quiet with Will for a long time but that was because my heart wasn't in it. The baby just happened, Emily, and then he started using it against me. I didn't say anything because I wanted to pretend it wasn't real... I felt trapped into a relationship with him. But, Em, I will _fight_ for a relationship with you."

Her lips connected with mine, harder this time. I knew what she wanted but I couldn't give it to her. If I didn't keep her at arm's length I was going to do something stupid…

"Then stop trying to turn me on," I begged her. "If you're making sure you can, then congratulations. _I want you_, JJ. I want you more than I've wanted anyone in a really long time. But we have to move slower than this. Falling into bed with me when I've been drinking and you've just left Will is a bad idea and I won't mess this up like that."

I didn't mention that a significant chunk of my anxiety was stemming from the fact that I wasn't sure exactly where JJ lay on the sexuality spectrum. What if she only wanted to like me and I couldn't turn _her_ on? That was one confession too many for tonight.

JJ's eyes seemed to clear and she nodded reluctantly, taking a step back. "Okay, but can you stay with me, Em? I promise I won't even touch you if you don't want me to. I just don't want to be alone..."

Her eyes flickered to the bathroom and I nodded, touching her arm gently as I felt my body and my heart rate begin to calm down. Honestly, what was I going to say? She had my heart on a string.

"I was so scared when I saw Will down there, Jayj… I really thought he'd snapped and hurt you."

JJ placed her hand over mine understandingly. "I promise I'm okay, Em. Will may have a different code of behaviour to us but he sticks to it firmly. I knew he wouldn't hurt me or the baby."

"You still should have waited until he was sober to tell him," I sighed. I couldn't hold it against her though. Especially not when she whispered how she hadn't wanted to have to get into bed with him again. "How about you get into bed now and I'll clean up the glass? When I'm done I'll get changed and I'll… We can…" I chewed my lip and gave her a helpless look.

"We can cuddle," JJ supplied too-innocently.

I suppressed a groan as I turned toward the bathroom and saw JJ drop her gown out of the corner of my eye. This was not going to be easy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: JJ's POV**

I changed into a shirt and pyjama shorts while Emily cleared the broken glass from the bathroom. The door was open between us and, to be honest, I was hoping to catch her looking but she was completely focused on her task. I tried not to take it personally. She'd told me she liked me, I reminded myself. Still, I felt like a teenager on a first date as I pulled on my PJs.

By the time she came out I was standing in front of the longer (unsmashed) mirror attached to the closet, studying the slight curve of my belly. I heard her breath catch before I saw her.

You can't tell that I'm pregnant through my clothes yet but there's a little swell you can see when my stomach's bare. I lifted my t-shirt up to just under my breasts for her to see and the look in her eyes was… amazing. Will had never looked at me that way. Like I was a goddamn miracle rather than something pretty he owned.

"Yep, there's a baby in there all right..." I joked, a little shyly.

"Can I...?"

"You won't feel anything," I answered. "It's too early."

"I know. I just want to..."

Emily's hand on my stomach was feather light and she was rapt. I watched her as she gently flattened her hand against me and then splayed it out. Her bottom lip was compressed between her teeth and just like when we'd shared that first kiss I was feeling deeply emotional.

Treasured. I felt treasured.

I lifted a hand to her cheek and took her lips softly, not wanting her to think I was pushing her—she'd been clear about what she did and didn't want from me tonight—but also needing to be close to her.

"I could kiss you like this forever," I whispered into her lips. "No expectations, just... learning you."

Emily laid a kiss on the end of my nose and then smiled. Her hand still rested on my stomach, her thumb stroking over the pale skin there.

"I should go up to my own room to get my pyjamas at least," she told me but she seemed unsurprised when I shook my head.

"You can borrow a t-shirt from me. That's good enough, right?"

Emily nodded and I made sure to look away as she changed. We came together again in the centre of the bed and she rested her forehead against mine.

"It's never going to be this simple again after tonight," she mused, a hint of melancholy in her voice.

"Maybe not," I agreed. "But it might still be better. Day by day I'm going to prove that I'm serious about you." Her sad smile was worrying me. "Emily...? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, JJ."

"Don't lie," I insisted, running my hands along her sides. "What don't you want to say? Is it about Will?"

"_No,_" Emily's voice was emphatic but she still wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Instead she pressed a hard kiss to my mouth like she was trying to distract me.

I took the bait. The moment Emily's lips met mine I rolled her onto her back and climbed over her. The automatic brush of her hand against my thigh made my stomach knot even as she seemed to silently berate herself for doing it.

"Just kissing," I promised, cupping her cheek lightly. "Is this ok?"

Emily nodded, sighing—not unhappily, I think—as I leaned down to her mouth.

"Stop me if I touch you anywhere you're not ready for me to go," I told her—one last caveat—and, beneath me, Emily let go. Her hands moved up into my hair and pulled my lips to hers with a real need and I touched everywhere I thought I could without scaring her away. The feeling of her waist dipping beneath my fingers was toxic to me; the softness of her skin and the way it warmed as I touched her. A tight gasp escaped her lips as I slipped my hands beneath her shirt but she didn't stop kissing me. If anything she kissed harder, with more urgency. I kept to her stomach, her sides, the gentle ridges of her ribs beneath her skin. I wasn't going to push her, I promised myself. But god, it was hard.

Emily's hands had been mostly stationary but once my hands moved beneath her top, she allowed hers to wander. I knew she was following me closely, letting me take the lead, but I didn't know why. Was she still worried because I had no experience with women? My lack of experience didn't seem to be failing me yet. I could feel her body responding to me. I shivered as her fingertips travelled more confidently along my thighs where they straddled her hips.

"JJ, I'm not used to..." she breathed into me. Our lips parted and Emily took a breath and met my eye. "...Usually I'd be where you are."

"Are you saying you'd rather be on top?" I teased.

I was expecting a shy or oblique answer judging by her recent behaviour but Emily's response was an unambiguous "_yes"_ that sent a whorl of heat cascading down to my core.

I rolled aside to let Emily climb on top of me and stroked along her thighs she same way she'd done to me. I had to tug my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from moaning. _How? _How was she so goddamn sexy? Looking up at her sitting over my hips was making me hotter than I probably wanted to be if we weren't going to do anything tonight. Still, I could let her kiss me just a bit more... Right?

I was saved from having to answer myself as Emily reclaimed my lips. Hers were swollen and dark and the thought that mine probably looked the same was so arousing to me. When had Will ever kissed me until my lips were bruised? _Fuck_. It didn't matter. I didn't want to think about him now.

I poured myself entirely into Emily, delighting as she tried and failed to withhold a moan. Her hands ran along my sides like she was trying her hardest to keep them on a safe course and when her mouth left my lips to kiss along my neck, I let my head fall back and my eyes close. I wasn't expecting her to reach under my shirt and when her fingers grazed the underside of my breast I let out a pant that rolled into a moan and caused Emily to stop to look at me.

I trailed my fingertips along her collarbone entreatingly. "Please," I whispered. "Don't stop." Then, as I realised she was trying to read me—"What? Emily, what do you need to know?" She shook her head but I was unconvinced. "Emily...?"

"_Areyoufeelingthis?_" Her fear rolled out on a single breath and it took me a moment to realise what she was asking.

"Emily, you know I am," I replied softly. But, looking into her eyes, I could see that she didn't. "Emily..." Her fingers still brushed the bottom of my breast and I reached up to flatten her hand against it. Her palm pressed into my hard nipple and I whimpered, keeping my eyes fixed on hers and willing her to understand how I felt from mine. "Baby, you're scared I'm not attracted to you? Just look at me…" I wanted to drag her hand between my legs and prove just how aroused I was but I knew that would be going too far.

"We should probably stop," she said, confirming my thoughts, but she didn't take her hand away.

"If that's what you want," I answered uncertainly. "But I want to you to know, I..."

Releasing my bottom lip from between my teeth, I captured her lips again, trying to pour everything I felt into that kiss. Gradually I felt her hand on my breast relax and begin to move. Her nails traced just outside the outer edge of my areola, while her other hand played across my hipbone. She kissed me fully, passionately, and I was already breathless when her fingers pinching my nipple dragged a loud cry from my throat. Emily rolled the nub between her fingers and then broke away from my lips to press an open-mouthed kiss against my nipple through the thin fabric of my pyjama shirt.

"Em, _please_," I whined, my fingers falling to the hem of my shirt. Now I was pleading for a different reason and, from the darkening look in her eyes, she understood.

Emily eased my shirt up slowly, her lips touching my navel as it was exposed and then following the course of her hands toward my breasts. I scraped my fingers through her hair as she pulled the opposite breast into her mouth and began to tease the puckered edge of my nipple with her tongue. I let out a strangled sigh and again she understood, pulling the t-shirt over my head without leaving her task.

Oh god, I wanted her so much, but if she wanted to stop then I should stop her now. I should stop her... I moaned softly as her mouth returned to mine and she set both hands to work on my breasts. No one had ever taken such care with me before her. I kissed her like I could only breathe through her mouth. Then I made myself pull back, only just.

"I know you'd regret going any further with me tonight." My voice wavered as I spoke. "So I'm going to put my shirt back on and curl up into you and we can sleep... But Emily, that does not mean I wouldn't rather be making love to you because I would. I want that so much, Em." I bit my lip as I shifted my hips beneath her. I was going to need a cold shower after this… "I want to show you everything you're making me feel. But we've got all the time in the world for that, okay? You understand?"

"I think I do," Emily answered, reaching for my shirt and falling into bed beside me. "God, I do." She met my eyes and the intensity of her gaze was astounding to me. "You are so beautiful, Jennifer."

My heart caught in my chest at the sound of my full name on her lips.

"Sorry," Emily quickly said, misunderstanding, but I cut her off with a deep, unhurried kiss.

"No. I love that you called me that," I promised. "Nobody does anymore. Not even my parents. You can be the only one."

"Why?" Emily moaned against my lips. "Why do you make me want you so much when I know you're going to pull away after?"

I caught her cheeks in my hands and leaned our foreheads together, bringing her focus to me. "Emily, I'm not going to be the one who pulls away... Why can't you believe that I want you just as much?"

Emily shook her head, her nose brushing against mine, but I didn't withdraw.

"Believe me, please," I whispered. Then I drew her hand down to my stomach. "In a matter of months I'm going to have a baby. If _you_ still want to be with _me_ then, you could… Emily, you could be around. I want you to be around. Not just as my friend."

Oh God, she was crying. I'd made her cry. What on earth had possessed me to say something like that so soon? Now I'd scare her off for good! But she'd wanted to know that I was serious, hadn't she? Or was I misreading her again?

I took my hand back but Emily didn't remove hers from my stomach. In fact, she raised the other to join it and, even as tears ran down her face, she pressed her cheek into mine.

She didn't say anything. I don't think she could. But I belatedly realised that she was happy. I pulled her closer and sighed as she peppered my neck with soft, desperate kisses. When, at some point, her tears stopped and she fell asleep, I stroked a hand through her hair and leaned over her to turn out the light. After that I didn't let her go until morning.

* * *

By the time I awoke and checked my phone I had more than ten missed calls from Will and four abusive voicemail messages. I had turned my phone on silent and ignored it after he left and apparently it had been a good idea. On Emily's advice I saved the messages but she wouldn't let me play them more than once.

"You know what he said," she told me firmly. "You don't need to hear it again."

She told me that saving them could be useful if Will decided to petition for parental rights over our child. I wasn't planning on putting his name on the birth certificate and she assured me that, since Will and I weren't married, I didn't have to.

Still, the thought that Will might try to use the courts to push his way back into my life made me feel ill. Emily did her best to console me as she hurried to get dressed in yesterday's clothes.

"Last night was a lot for both of us to deal with," she acknowledged. "I don't want you to think I'm holding you to what you said, but I also realise that never answered you last night..." She smiled bravely. "I want to be a part of this baby's life if that's really what you want. And even if it's not, when all this becomes real and the terror hits, you aren't going to be alone. I'm going to help however I can. As a friend or—"

"Not just as a friend," I whispered.

"...We don't necessarily have to decide that now."

Her lack of confidence was killing me inside. This was a woman who believed she could kick down doors and profile serial killers and save innocent people's lives but she didn't believe that I could love her or even be attracted to her. How could she have such a low opinion of her worth when I needed her so much?

"Yes," I burst out, surprising us both. She had just rebuttoned her pants and was looking around for her purse but she stopped when I spoke. "We do need to decide this now. I don't mean I won't give you time if you need it but, Emily, I _want_ you to do this with me. And I think you want that too—even if, for some insane reason, you feel like you don't deserve to. I want you to be a mother with me."

Emily took my hand reassuringly. "I know that's what you feel right now, Jennifer," she promised. I had to steel myself against the way my name on her lips made me want to forget everything and just kiss her. "But I don't want you to fly out of a relationship with Will, make a snap decision, and find yourself trapped all over again. That's all."

"Can't you just give me a straight answer for once and tell me if you want this too?" I begged. It came out harsher than I expected it to so I brought her hand up to my lips and laid an apologetic kiss against her knuckles. "We could raise this baby together Em. Legally, you and me, with all of our friends and family knowing exactly what we are to each other."

She wanted it. I wouldn't have pressed if I didn't _know _she wanted it. She looked at me like I held all her dreams in my hands. If I did, I had only to convince her it was okay to reach out and take them.

"But what _are_ we, Jayj? This is too soon..."

I couldn't stand the look in her eyes. She always had to be such a martyr. _Emily_, _sometimes things really are as blissfully simple as they seem._ It may have been preemptive but I had to say it:

"I love you."

Emily's phone rang then, and her answering it was the final straw. I gave up, grabbed a pile of clothes from my closet and headed for the bathroom, ready to slam the door behind me.

"Jayj," she said quickly, cupping her hand over the receiver. "Not yet."

She sounded shaken so of course I stayed.

"Okay, Hotch. I'm sorry. Say that again?" She asked, then she was silent for a while. "Yes, yes, I'm fine. No, I haven't seen or heard anything… You're _sure_? Okay, well... I guess that's convenient. …No, I know, but if the unsub's left a note on my door, then he's coming after me next. Surely that's preferable to him seeking out an innocent woman who can't defend herself... Yes, of course it's an escalation..."

My eyes widened as I listened in. We'd come to New York on the trail of an organised killer who had abducted and murdered twelve successful brunette women between one and three days after first leaving threatening notes on their doors. It was a form of psychological torture in anticipation of the physical torture he would later force them to endure. And a note had been left on Emily's door? Of course it was preferable that it was someone who was trained, armed, and well protected, but the thought of Emily being _dissected _like all those poor women caused bile to rise in my throat. I had to swallow it back down.

"Have you processed the letter?" She asked. "Okay... No, I never saw it. I'm fine, I promise. I just never went back to my room last night so I don't know when it was left... Um, I think I was last there just after 9pm? I've—"

I swallowed tightly and forced myself to nod as Emily glanced at me. Yet, even with my permission, she couldn't bring herself to tell Hotch where she'd been all night. Fighting back the hurt unexpectedly tightening my chest, I reached for the phone and, with her silent blessing, pressed the speaker button.

"Hotch, she was with me last night," I explained as calmly as I could.

"JJ?" Hotch confirmed, the confusion clear in his tone. "Isn't Will staying with you?"

"I have no idea where Will spent the night and I don't care either," I replied, leaving no room for questions. "He is not my problem anymore."

"I'm—"

"Hotch, don't you dare say you're sorry," I interjected. "The only thing that's going to make me happier than Will packing his bags is finding the bastard who threatened Emily."

Emily placed a hand on my arm lightly but I wasn't sure if she was trying to comfort me or hold me back. Hotch was clearly surprised by my language and tone but he said nothing. Analysing me, probably.

"Can you clear my room so I can at least get some fresh clothes and have a shower?" Emily asked, although she sounded rightly doubtful.

"We're considering your room part of the crime scene until we're sure the unsub wasn't in there," Hotch answered. "Once I've called the rest of the team I'll bring you down some clothes and you can shower with JJ. ...I mean, you can shower in JJ's room. Obviously."

"I know what you mean."

An awkward silence ensued before Hotch made his excuses and hung up.

I forced myself to break the silence. "Emily, if you want me to tell him you only stayed to comfort me after Will left, I will."

"Well, that's what happened, isn't it?" she replied, her tone more clipped than it had been before Hotch's call.

My heart sank. "Emily..." _Are you really going to pretend nothing happened…? _"...If that's what you want," I agreed. "But you told me that if I wanted to be with you I had to be prepared to tell Hotch eventually and, Em, I'm ready right now. This morning. You're obviously not, though… I'm sorry I pushed. I'm going to hop in the shower."

She didn't try to stop me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Emily's POV**

Hotch arrived while JJ was in the shower. He brought my go bag so that I could change clothes but with the bathroom occupied there was nothing for me to do but face up to him.

"Is the letter the same as the others?" I asked, although I knew it would be. They were all identical, all unremarkable, all untraceable. There was never a single print or stray fibre. There weren't any survivors either but this unsub had never attempted to abduct an FBI agent before.

Hotch nodded seriously. "Prentiss, I don't like using you as bait."

We both knew he was going to do it anyway. It was our best chance of catching the guy so there was no point in giving him a hard time about it.

"You're not," I promised. "The unsub chose to target an FBI agent working his own case. He's the one baiting us, not the other way around."

He nodded, a subtle display of gratitude. "Did something happen between JJ and Will that I should know about?" he asked in lieu of a response.

JJ's relationship with Will had made her well-used to having another person speak on her behalf, often revealing personal things about her life, but I was reluctant to be that person. I was thankful when JJ chose that moment to come out of the bathroom. She was fully dressed and looking as professional as ever. As she stepped into the room, she gestured behind her, where the shattered mirror was visible through the door.

"That's what Will did when JJ tried to break it off with him," I explained summarily, sharing a look of solidarity with her.

Hotch's face changed entirely as he surveyed the damage and then JJ. Two members of his team had been threatened overnight and his fatherly instincts toward us all had always been stronger than his professional obligations.

"Did he hurt you?" Hotch demanded.

JJ kept her face impassive. "I'm fine," she answered. "I kicked him out and Emily stayed the night with me."

Now, as she met my eye, I gleaned that she was leaving it up to me how much we would say about that. I also saw a flash of something else, something I hadn't seen in her earlier. It was hurt, a yearning to be acknowledged by me. And how could I refuse when part of the reason I'd been so reluctant to accept her advances was the fear that she wouldn't be able or willing to acknowledge me—to her family or to our friends. Now it was painfully clear that she was ready and I wasn't. Well, why couldn't I be?

"Hotch, I did more than stay with her." The words left my mouth before I could stop them but JJ's eyes were giving me strength I didn't know I had. "I'm in love with her."

"And if you're going to risk Emily's life by sending her back to her own room tonight when you know the unsub is coming after her, then I want to be there too," JJ cut in. "For him to have put that note on her door, he must have been watching to make sure she wasn't going to either hear or see him. So, chances are, he already knows Emily spent the night with me. If you put me in there with her tonight, you get another agent in the room without necessarily making him suspicious about why I'm there."

Although Hotch barely blinked at my revelation, or JJ's, I didn't make the mistake of assuming he had no qualms about a relationship between us. For the time being he simply had more important things to decide. First, he turned to JJ.

"JJ, we're not sending Emily to the slaughter," he reminded her, his voice a fatherly mix of severity and compassion. "We're going to do everything we can to make sure she's safe. …Most women who find out they're pregnant want to limit their time in the field."

"But I don't," JJ insisted. "Hotch, I know this is sudden. For us as well as you. But if I lose Emily, I lose the one person I love most in the world and _our_ baby loses a mother. I can't let her do this alone."

Now she wouldn't meet my eyes. I think she was afraid I would contradict her, tell her I honestly didn't want any part in her baby's life. …_Our_ baby's life? If she wanted me to be a mother then it really would be _our baby. _She'd said she wanted to make it legal. Jesus. Could I have this? Could I _really_ have this? Me and her and our baby? Our family? It felt too much like a dream, and yet when I put my hands on her stomach last night I'd felt…

Of course, I wanted to tell JJ that Hotch was right: it was far too dangerous for her to stay with me tonight. The last thing I wanted was for her to be hurt because of me. And what about the baby? What if something happened and she lost it? I knew I'd only found out about her pregnancy recently but already it had become a priority. I'd wanted a baby ever since I let mine go in Italy when I was fifteen-years-old. I wasn't ready then but I was ready now, I realised. I wanted to do this with her.

"Emily?" Hotch prompted me. "What do you think?"

The strength of my own private realisation meant that it took me a moment to remember what he was asking me. What did I think about JJ staying with me when the unsub would almost certainly try to abduct me within the next few days? I'd already decided that too. I was not going to be the controlling partner Will had been.

"I think that this is JJ's decision," I replied. "And that our desire to protect her may be clouding our ability to see that her idea is a good one."

"I want to be in there with her," JJ repeated, for clarity's sake. "But it's your call, Hotch."

Eventually he nodded. "You're right," he admitted. "It's a good idea. But it's not perfect. I'm concerned that you two were able to keep your feelings from me and the rest of the team. Like it or not, this is going to change the team dynamic, not necessarily for the better. It's also blatantly against Bureau policy for the two of you to be pursuing a relationship while working in the same unit. When this is over we'll need to talk about it and the result may be that one of you is reassigned."

"Me," JJ said suddenly. "If one of us is reassigned, it'll be me. Hotch, I'm not saying I don't want to be here but—"

I stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Jennifer, we'll talk about it after the case, okay?"

Hotch's eyes were almost openly curious as he watched us interact but he didn't comment.

"Emily, we can assume that the unsub will be watching you today," he said instead. "We can use that to our advantage. The rest of the team will have to act as though they've known you're a couple for some time and it's not unusual for you two to sleep together." He looked at JJ. "I take it you've considered the fact that the others _will_ have to find out about your relationship if you decide to stay with Emily tonight."

"I _have_ decided," JJ corrected him firmly. "And yes, I'm fine with that. Emily, are you?"

I could say no, I realised. She was giving me the power of veto over this whole insane situation. If I said I wasn't okay with it, it would just be me tonight. I'd be alone when the unsub tried to abduct me.

On the one hand, being alone with a serial killer was never a great idea. On the other hand, JJ and her baby wouldn't be in danger. But this wasn't just about the danger. JJ thought she was ready to come out to the team. In fact, she seemed to _want_ to do it. It didn't matter how crazy or impossible I thought it was that she wanted me, I couldn't reject her by saying I didn't want the team to know, especially not in front of Hotch.

"Yes," I finally agreed, trying to mirror JJ's confidence. "That's fine."

Hotch nodded, a rare note of sympathy crossing his face. "I'll call the others to explain. When you two are ready, meet us upstairs outside Emily's room. Don't go overboard with it, but you should make it clear to anyone watching—including the unsub—that you're a couple."

Hotch left not long after that and JJ's arms were around my waist the moment the door shut behind him.

"Hey," I whispered, resting a hand on the back of her head lightly as she pressed her face into my neck. "Don't worry, Jennifer. Everything will be okay."

"I'm not worried," JJ answered. Her voice was muffled but she didn't move. "Well, I am, but that's pretty standard. It may as well be a prerequisite for the job… I just— Thank you, Em."

"What for?"

Now JJ pulled back to look me in the eye. "For trusting me. For telling Hotch the truth. For saying you're ready for everyone to know when you're not."

"What is being 'ready'?" I asked, brushing a hand across her cheek evasively. "I know we can handle whatever comes from the team finding out. That's good enough for me."

"And me," JJ promised. "Is it bad that I'm actually excited?"

"Depends what you're excited about," I replied, smirking. To be honest, I was feeling the same way, beneath my building anxiety. "Are you excited that we'll probably be fighting off a serial killer in our pyjamas sometime over the next few nights?"

JJ grinned too. "No," she giggled. "I'm excited to be able to show how much I love you in public."

I couldn't help but think she had it backwards. _I _was the one who loved her, who had always loved her, who had tried so damn hard to hide the fact that I loved her for almost three years. JJ had only left Will last night. Yes, we'd always been close—closer than any of the others—but that didn't mean that she was in love with me. At least, not in the way that I was in love with her. Still, I didn't have it in me to argue. Instead I placed a soft peck on her lips and nodded towards the bathroom.

"I love you too," I told her honestly. "But I should shower."

"I wouldn't mind showering again…" JJ teased but I knew she didn't mean it. She wanted to get to work too. We needed to learn as much as we could about who we'd be dealing with.

That didn't mean I couldn't tease her back though…

I raised yesterday's shirt over my head while JJ watched shamelessly. Her eyes raking over my body filled me with heat. Although I'd meant to turn away and finish undressing alone in the bathroom, I didn't protest when JJ held me back.

Without a word she stepped closer and reached her hands around my back for the clasp of my bra. My breath caught as it unhinged and I felt the fabric slacken. _I should stop this,_ I found myself thinking. I had to get ready to face the rest of the team. But JJ's eyes on mine were such a deep blue, so intense and full of want, and the slight parting of her lips was…

I let out a soft sigh as JJ pulled the straps of my bra down my arms and took in my breasts, now completely bare and visible in the light of day. I should have felt self-conscious but I didn't. I watched JJ's eyes widen as the cool air stiffened my nipples. Her expression was one of hunger.

"I know we can't do this now," she whimpered. "But I want to touch you…" One hand rose to palm my breast tentatively, seemingly without her full permission. Jesus, if she was relying on me to tell her to stop, we were in trouble. "You're amazing, Em…"

I swallowed hard. "Don't linger," I forced myself to say. "You can help me undress if you want to, but quickly. Hotch is waiting for us and I really do need to shower."

I moved my hand over hers and briefly directed her to tease my nipple before sliding her hand down my stomach.

"Do you really find me attractive?" I asked, biting back a gasp as JJ's mouth latched onto my neck. Her fingers worked quickly to unfasten my slacks.

"What kind of profiler are you?" JJ groaned against my skin. "Em, we're in actual fucking danger and yet I am so unbelievably turned on right now—_by you_."

I watched in disbelief as JJ slid one of her hands between her own legs, giving herself a quick rub through her trousers. I replaced her hand with my own as she eased my slacks over my hips. They slid down my legs and JJ scraped her nails across my naked thighs as her hips moved helplessly against my hand. My stomach coiled tight with desire and I bit my lip hard.

Kicking my slacks aside, I stood before JJ in nothing but a pair of black lace panties. The movement of her hips, grinding into my palm, was getting faster and more erratic and her mouth was hanging open, her breath coming out in quick pants. Longingly, she leaned into me, supporting herself with a hand curled around my shoulder. But a loud cry from her lips startled both of us back to reality. I pulled my hand away.

"We have to stop," she gasped, nodding hurriedly as I did so. "If we don't I'm going to come and I have to wear these clothes all day… Actually, I should change my underwear while I have the chance..."

Turning her back to me, JJ stripped off her trousers. Both of us flushed as she slid her panties down her hips, but not from embarrassment. I was beyond trying to make myself look away.

"Do you still believe I'm not attracted to you?" JJ asked breathlessly as she pulled on a new pair of panties and then her trousers.

I shook my head and stepped toward her again, taking her lips needily. The second she removed her panties I'd been able to _smell_ her arousal and that had had a direct impact on mine.

"How long has it been since Hotch left?" she whimpered against my mouth.

"Long enough that I should be in the shower," I answered regretfully but I didn't want to leave her. I was so wet and knowing that she was turned on too was only making it worse. The noises she made, the smell of her… "I wish you could come in with me but there isn't time for me to do everything I want to do to you… And call me old-fashioned but maybe the shower isn't the place for our first time either."

"I know," JJ whispered. She bit her lip and then lowered my panties until I could step out of them. "But I could sure use a cold shower now…"

I nodded, unable to think of a word to say in response. I could feel the wetness pooling between my lower lips begin to seep out. I could smell myself and I was betting JJ could too. As if to confirm this for me, I saw her eyes flicker downwards.

"You goddamn tease," she husked and then, without warning, she reached out to cup my bare mound and slip her index finger into the wetness.

She pulled it out and held it up between us so we could both see how soaked it was, completely coated in my juices. Then she slid the digit into her mouth and closed her eyes, moaning. When she was finished I pushed my tongue into her mouth, desperate to taste myself on her. When our combination of flavours hit my tongue, it took everything I had not to start touching myself right in front of her.

_She's the one who crossed the line and touched you there_, part of me insisted. _Why shouldn't you be able to finish it?_

But I resisted. Alone in the bathroom, it didn't take me long to get myself off. I kept my mouth tightly closed shut and washed myself carefully afterwards before getting out of the shower and dressing.

JJ had grown nervous in my absence. I kissed her lightly, brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and we walked hand in hand toward my room to face the others.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN./ I've had this chapter lying around for quite a while now but was uncertain about posting it because I wasn't sure which direction I wanted this story to go in... Still, it might just be time to commit :P - Bec xx**

**Chapter 5: JJ's POV**

Emily emerged from the bathroom looking more confident than I'd seen her looking around me recently and, honestly, I was relieved. I'd half expected her to change her mind when she had some time alone to think but the first thing she did was kiss me.

I thought I was probably glowing walking down the hall holding her hand and I struggled to keep the happiness from showing on my face. I was supposed to be terrified. I _was_ terrified. An extremely dangerous unsub had just threatened the woman I loved in the same way he'd threatened his previous twelve victims before torturing and butchering them. Yet more strongly than the fear I just felt blessed to be with her. I tried to rein it in. Hotch had told us we should display our relationship publicly for the unsub's benefit, but he'd also told us not to go suspiciously overboard.

Morgan was the first person to look up as we approached. He was standing outside the door to Emily's hotel room with Hotch and some crime scene technicians. I couldn't see the others but I could hear Reid talking to someone inside the room, out of sight.

"Lucky you weren't here last night," Morgan greeted Emily, nodding down at the letter he was holding.

Emily squeezed my hand and then let go, reaching for the letter. "It really is exactly the same as the others," she concluded, while I read over her shoulder. "You didn't find anything when you processed it?"

"Nothing," one of the techs confirmed.

"You know you're supposed to sleep in separate rooms while we're working," Hotch pointed out to Emily and I, as if this were a discussion we had regularly, "But in this case I'm glad you were together. We've organised to move to a different hotel tonight. Can I see that letter again?"

Emily passed it over and when Hotch returned it he slipped a small piece of paper into the corner. Emily read it silently and then met my eye to check I'd seen it too.

_'Hotel cameras have been hacked; unsub probably watching. Ask which hotel.'_

"Which hotel?" Emily asked obediently and Hotch recited the name and a few other details. Not long afterwards he received a text from Garcia to say that the cameras at that hotel were presently being tapped into. She was letting the unsub get away with it for now so he'd think he had the upper hand over us.

"You should be safe there," Hotch went on, although was patently not the case. "We'll move you quietly this evening and take precautions to make sure you aren't followed."

"Sir," I interjected pointedly. "I know it's against regulations but if my girlfriend's in danger, I want to stay with her."

Hotch nodded approvingly, while Morgan didn't react at all. He was being more quiet than usual and I took that to mean that there was a lot he wanted to say but couldn't. Until we had some privacy he was keeping his mouth tightly shut.

"I'll make an exception until we've solved the case," Hotch agreed. "But I expect you both to act as professionally as ever. This isn't a vacation."

I resisted the urge to meet Emily's eye. We hadn't exactly been acting professionally this morning…

"Of course, sir," Emily responded without missing a beat.

Rossi stepped out of the room then, followed by Reid. Those two were predictably worse at hiding their feelings than Morgan and Hotch had been. Rossi looked deviously amused while Reid's expression bordered on hurt and confused. I tried not to let it bother me. We could soothe his feelings once we were back in DC.

"The room's clear," Rossi announced. "We don't think the unsub was ever inside."

"We don't have video footage from the hallway?" It was more a statement than a question—Emily was covering her bases.

"The camera was hacked, like at the other scenes," Reid answered. "There are eight minutes missing from the tape of every camera in the entire building. At 9:59:06 the letter just appears on the doorway. No sign of who put it there."

"Somebody intelligent enough to hack security feeds yet non-threatening enough to move around hotel corridors, apartment buildings, and close-knit neighbourhoods without attracting attention. Maybe someone in uniform," Morgan pointed out, a little gruffly. "Let's get down to the precinct. Emily, JJ—I'll drive you two in."

His tone didn't leave room for argument. 

* * *

I shouldn't have been surprised when Morgan called Garcia and put her on speaker the moment we climbed into the SUV. Of course it was going to be a double interrogation.

"They're here, mama," was the first thing he said and his voice was different now. More open, almost relieved.

"Alone?" Garcia confirmed and when Morgan hummed in response she let out a sigh that turned into a giggle. "_Oh my god_, are you two kidding me right now? Emily, JJ? You guys are an item?!"

"JJ referred to Emily as her _girlfriend,_" Morgan teased and this did nothing to stem Garcia's giggles.

I could have protested that I'd said that for the unsub's benefit but, really, was it necessary? If you could call someone your girlfriend after a chance meeting and a few dinners you should definitely be able to do it after loving them for three years, nearly having sex on the job, and semi-agreeing to raise a child together.

"Why is this so funny?" I protested instead. "We're two adults who happen to be… romantically involved."

It sounded better to me than _dating_—especially as we hadn't actually been on a date yet—but only just. There had to be a better word for what Emily and I were.

"We're happy for you, dumbo!" Garcia laughed. "Yesterday we found out you were pregnant and maybe-getting-married to the biggest scumbag in New Orleans and today it turns out you're secretly with Prentiss? Sorry for being surprised!"

"I never said I'd marry Will," I pointed out sharply. "In fact, I told him several times that I _wouldn't_, not that it stopped him publicly implying that we were engaged." Then it hit me what she'd said about him. "_Wait_, you _knew_ what an awful guy Will was? Why'd you pretend to like him?!"

Morgan took his eyes off the road briefly to shoot me a bug-eyed look. "JJ, literally every single one of us _hates_ Will. We were just being good friends." He looked away then and a dark look crossed his eyes. I knew what was coming. "I overheard Hotch telling Rossi that Will smashed a mirror in your hotel room?"

"All it got him was a sore hand," Emily cut in for me. Her tone didn't invite any more questions on that subject and I was grateful. On the one hand, I was glad my friends recognised what an asshole Will had been—it made explaining the break-up so much easier—but on the other hand, I didn't need them profiling me as his victim.

"I'm having this baby with Emily, not Will," I added firmly.

Again Morgan took his eyes off the road and I had to nudge his arm to get him to turn back. Not that we were moving particularly quickly in this traffic… "It's that serious?" he asked and I was surprised when Garcia answered.

"Of course it's that serious," she sighed. "Morgan, you may be pretty but you can be pretty _thick_ too. Emily's been keen on JJ since the moment she joined the team. I'm not going to lie, I thought JJ was straight as an arrow, but if she's even slightly inclined toward the fairer sex—which evidently she is—then her and Emily make more sense than Xena and Gabrielle!"

"Calm down, mama! I'm just asking! It's kind of a shock," Morgan defended himself.

"It's okay," Emily was quick to assure him. "It happened kind of quickly for us too…"

"Well it's about time you worked up the courage to kiss her, princess!" Garcia congratulated her and I couldn't help but scoff at that, given all Emily's pussy-footing around.

"Excuse me! What makes you assume she kissed me first?" I exclaimed.

"Oh my god," Emily whined good-humouredly. "They think I'm the _man_ in the relationship."

"What, are you telling me_ you_ kissed _her?"_ Garcia squeaked. "JJ, how was I not privy to the fact that you felt this way?!"

"Nobody was!" I answered. "And nobody _would be_ if we hadn't needed to explain to Hotch why Emily never got back to her room last night!"

"_About that—!"_ Garcia began in a high-pitched squeal, but thankfully we were pulling into the precinct parking lot by then and Emily cut her off.

"Sorry to interrupt your little gossip fest but we just arrived and have actual work to do," she interjected smoothly. "Been threatened by a serial killer and stuff. Have to work up a game plan."

She was being intentionally casual about it, but I knew she had to be stressing out underneath it all. Garcia got the message.

"Sure thing, princess," she replied. "I'm still working on tracking the IP he's using to hack the hotel cameras but he's a sneaky little bugger. I will keep you posted. PS – I'm also tracking you guys via security camera right now. Street cams and private ones too. I'll send you a text if I catch the unsub doing the same thing. Still, to be safe, the best place to have a private conversation is probably the car for now."

"Thanks for the heads up," I answered and then Morgan hung up.

"This is pretty amazing," he admitted, before we had a chance to get out of the car. "You two, as parents together... Let me know if I can do anything."

I could see from his expression that he was genuine and I did my best to smile. "First things first," I replied. "Let's catch the guy threatening the mother of my child."

* * *

Around 8pm, we left the station. Hotch drove us to the hotel via some utterly convoluted route designed to make the unsub think we were actually concerned about him following us, rather than luring him in. We made a false stop at another hotel on the way. It was a show, of course - the unsub had hacked into the security system at our new hotel that morning. He was going to have eyes on us the minute we walked in the door.

FBI agents from the local office had been checking into the hotel all day. Emily and I had studied their photographs on her tablet on the drive over. We wanted to recognise as many of our undercover allies as possible. There were eight, not including the rest of our team, but for appearances' sake, they were scattered across the hotel.

We had a map too, highlighting their locations. Hotch would be nearest - 6 doors down, then Rossi - 12 doors away. Morgan was third closest, nearby but on the next floor up, and from there it grew sparser. Reid was a good five minutes away - it was a big hotel.

When we walked into the lobby I spotted one of the undercover agents immediately - he was a large-ish , deceptively fit man, wearing a colourful Hawaiian print shirt. He was chatting excitedly with the concierge when we entered and I made no attempt to make eye contact. Hotch walked us to our door.

"You should be safe here," he told us, for the benefit of the unsub, watching. "I don't think we were followed."

"Thanks, sir," Emily replied. "See you in the morning."

We didn't watch Hotch leave. We knew exactly where he'd be tonight: in his room, watching the cameras in the hallway, monitoring for strangers lurking or electronic interferences. Camera failure was as good a cause to step in as any witnessed crime in this case but Emily and I had also had a recording device installed in our room by the 'cleaning service'. It made me feel uncomfortable (although I was thankful there was no picture recording) but I was glad that any sign of a scuffle would be picked up on by Garcia, monitoring the feed.

I looked around the room. It was swankier than the last hotel - we'd needed somewhere where a reasonably sized influx of FBI agents posing as guests wouldn't be noticed amongst all the usual comings and goings. There was a well-stocked mini bar (which Emily and I obviously wouldn't be touching), a magnificent looking king bed, and an excitingly large bathtub in the bathroom. I nodded toward it and gave Emily a cheeky wink. She pursed her lips at me in return, shaking her head and withholding a laugh.

"Hi Garcia," she said into the empty room and her phone beeped not long after.

_"Hi there, cuties!"_ read the text message.

I wanted to put the TV or the radio on for a bit of white noise but we'd already been told not to. We didn't need the sound of violence on TV bringing eight agents plus the whole BAU to our door and we didn't want anything that could obscure the fact that we were actually in danger either.

Emily and I stared at each other briefly, unsure what to do. Then she shrugged.

"Hope you brought a book, Jen. Could be a few nights like this," she pointed out. This unsub was flexible with his timeline - he liked to make you sweat. The probability was high that he'd want to lull us into a false sense of security before he attacked. But we had the fact of his tapping into hotel security to assure us that he would, at some point, attack.

I dumped my bag down onto the floor near the foot of the bed and pulled out a few things. A change of clothes, a novel, face cream. Then I sprawled back on the bed with my book and snuggled into the pile of pillows at the far end.

"You gonna join me?" I asked, giggling.

"Let the record show that I am joining Agent Jareau on the bed with a Vonnegut novel and absolutely all of my clothes in place," Emily replied dryly. Then she did just that, kicking off her shoes and jumping up beside me. I gave her a quick kiss as she scooted into place.

We read for a few hours but the silence was so absolute that it was distracting. Finally we decided to change into our pyjamas (or, at least, t-shirts and sweats suitable for both sleeping and fighting for our lives) and passed an hour or so by writing notes. They started out innocent and then grew gradually less so.

_So, this morning was fun..._ (Me)

_Yeah, if waking up to your boss calling you freaking out that you've been abducted by a serial killer is your idea of fun._ (Em)

_Hotch was freaking out? ...Believe it or not, I was actually talking about what happened after that._ (Me)

_Yeah, when he first called, he was panicking a bit. ...Gee, I don't think I can remember what happened after he left! Want to enlighten me?_ (Em)

I bit back a laugh at that and tossed a nervous glance toward the television, behind which I knew the audio recording device had been installed.

_Okay... What's the last thing you can remember?_ (Me)

_Why don't you start with the part where you saw me start undressing and then became so overcome with lust that you-_ (Em)

I grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop writing, while I giggled uncontrollably. As soon as I released her, she started writing again.

_...No? So how about we talk about you slipping your finger through my pussy and then licking it clean._ (Em)

I spent a moment just taking in her glowing eyes and saucy smile before replying with a decreasingly steady hand.

_You were so wet, I couldn't believe it._ (Me)

_So you thought you'd taste it to be sure?_ (Em)

_Mmhmm... And that's not all I wanted to do. If only we'd had time..._ (Me)

_What else? (_Em)

I hardly dared look at her now. My breath was becoming shallow. We lay side-by-side on our stomachs, sharing a pad of hotel notepaper. We were inches from touching, the whole way down our bodies.

_You know what else._ (Me)

_I want to hear it... Read it..._ (Em)

I swallowed hard, my pen faltering over the paper. But as I wrote, I grew in confidence. Emily's breath was quickening as her eyes followed the words on the page. At one point she let out a little sigh...

_I wanted to lay you down and kiss your chest. To lick and suck your breasts like you were doing to me last night. To feel their soft, warm weight in my hands and have you beneath me, completely available to my touch. I wanted to kiss down your stomach, past your navel, to that patch of neat, dark hair I felt against my palm this morning. To wet my fingers in your juices and learn the patterns of your cunt - where I can touch to make you writhe and moan beneath me. I wanted to slide my fingers into your sex. You were wet enough, baby. How many could I have fit in you? It felt like you could've taken anything I gave you. You made me so horny... And then I tasted you on my finger and I wanted to lick you, Em. To lick all over your little clit and push my fingers in and out of you-_

"Stop," Emily gasped suddenly, forgetting why we weren't making a sound.

_Why?_ I wrote boldly. _Are you getting wet again?_

Emily's eyes met mine desperately and she nodded. For a second I thought she'd say something else but instead she reached for the pen.

_J, you don't know how much you turn me on. This is dangerous..._ (Em)

_No, what would be dangerous would be if I started doing all those things I want to do to you with Garcia listening in on the sounds coming from this room. Unless you're into that sort of thing. 'Cause I don't think you could keep quiet, Em._ (Me)

I rolled onto my side and trailed a hand down her thigh anyway.

_Don't you?_ (Em)

I shook my head but didn't write a response, setting for playing with the waistband of her pyjama pants.

_Well, did you hear me fucking myself in the shower this morning?_ (Em)

I felt my whole body tense up at that and Emily looked satisfied. She kneeled to slip the notepad into her go-bag by the side of the bed (obviously deciding our conversation was over) and then started to stand but I pulled her back down. I leaned over her and kissed her lips, sliding my hand into her pyjama pants before she could protest. As I'd done that morning, I cupped my hand over her mound and squeezed lightly.

Emily opened her mouth but there was nothing she could say with Garcia listening in. I gave her an evil smile and began feeling her through her panties. Our lips met again and Emily only hesitated for the briefest moment before responding to me. True to her word, she made no sound, but I felt her body jolting and shaking beneath me as I played with her. When I slipped under her panties, she took a deep breath in and I wondered if she was going to break but she swallowed down whatever sound she'd been considering producing and nodded for me to continue.

"I love you," I whispered, close enough against her ear that I was confident the audio wouldn't pick it up. "I really, honestly, truly do love you..."

"But we haven't got time to be slow about this," Emily whispered back and I nodded understandingly.

We were on the job. We were _really_ on the job. It mightn't happen tonight but we were expecting to be attacked by a bloody serial killer! This should've been the last thing on our minds. Yet it felt crucially important.

Soaking my fingers in Emily's juices, I began touching her again in earnest, climbing over her for a better angle. Our lips met and then our tongues as we kissed furiously. Her breath was coming hard into my mouth and I pulled a blanket over us, hoping to muffle any sounds she made. Then I slid that hand up beneath Emily's top and toyed with one of her nipples, the way she'd had me do this morning, her hand over mine. It made her gasp and I kissed her harder for a second before pulling back to hiss, "If you sound like you're being murdered in any way, this room is going to fill to the brim with agents before I can even get my hand out of your pussy. No moaning, no groaning, and definitely no screaming."

Even as I said that, I was speeding up my thrusts and although Emily kept quiet, her hips were moving frantically. I needed to get her off soon, I realised, or she was going to lose control.

"Keep your head, baby," I murmured, breaking our kiss. And with that warning, I slid down her body and slid my tongue down her slit. In my periphery, I glimpsed Emily's hand clap over her mouth. Her eyes were tight shut, her body shaking as I tongued her.

It was the most crazily erotic thing I'd ever done. Sucking off Will made me feel like a sex toy. Sucking off Emily made me feel... Wild, sexy, gorgeous, but also _part_ of her; insanely connected to Emily and her every desire. I knew instinctively how to respond to her changing needs and movements and, as I felt her become more erratic and desperate, I doubled down. I licked along her lower lips and all through her pussy, loving the way it made her squirm. As she got close I focused on her clit and the hot flesh surrounding it. Occasionally I pulled back, running my tongue down to my finger, pressing into her hole, and then back up - easing off when I was afraid it was getting too much. Then I felt Emily's hands gripping my head, curling in my hair, and I wanted to tell her to be careful not to make a sound but I couldn't make myself pull away to speak. It felt like I was the one about to come - I was right there with her. I knew I couldn't stop. I needed to give her the release she deserved. So I kept licking, sucking, pumping my finger in, and I added another, scissoring and curling them, loving the way Emily's hips bucked in response.

Suddenly a loud gasp drew my attention and I could _feel_ her orgasm. It was intense - Emily's hips raised and shuddered, the walls of her pussy contracted hard around my fingers, and she began to pulse like one big heartbeat. I kept licking her, half to prolong her orgasm and half because I just didn't want to stop. My mouth was filled with her incredible, musky taste and the tension of her hands in my hair told me she was still feeling it. So I licked her and thrust my fingers gently until I felt her relax. Then I shoved the blanket off and crawled up her body, giving her a long, languid kiss.

"That was the most incredible thing ever," I moaned, blushing as Emily nodded then raised a shaky finger to her lips. We were still being listened in on after all. We kissed again, even more deeply, and I enjoyed the mixed taste of Emily's mouth and her come. She stroked my cheek with her hand and seemed to pull me as close as humanly possible. Then I withdrew a little. "Go take a shower," I directed her softly. "Just in case something does happen tonight."

Emily nodded reluctantly and kissed me one more time, then I rolled aside to let her go. I was smirking to myself helplessly as the door closed between us.

_Not bad for a first timer, Jareau!_ I congratulated myself.

My phone buzzed and I felt my heart, which had begun to slow, racing again as I struggled to locate it and then check my messages.

Message 1, from Penelope Garcia: **Preface: I'm the only one monitoring the audio recording.**

Message 2, from Penelope Garcia: **Delete the previous text, this text, and the following ones as soon as you've read them.**

Message 3, from Penelope Garcia: **Which one of you just came?**

Blushing furiously, I did a quick check of Emily's phone to make sure it was just me Garcia had texted (it was) and then, hardly believing myself, I tapped out a one-word reply: **Emily.**

I deleted all three texts and then giggled to myself giddily.

Garcia: **Is she in the shower?**

Me: **It's kind of creepy that you know that...**

Garcia: **I can hear the shower going. Also, I think the mic in the room is better than you think it is... You guys are super hot! I'm kinda flustered now...**

Me: **Pen, please tell me there's something you can do to make sure that nobody else ever knows I ate Emily out in the middle of an investigation!**

Garcia: **Already done, you saucy minx! Will expect details in return the minute we get back to Quantico. DELETE THESE MESSAGES. PG out ;D**

Again, doing as I was told, I took a bottle of water from the fridge, took a long drink, and lay back on the bed, waiting for Emily to return.

* * *

It was 3am when I was awoken by a call from Garcia.

"Show time, girlies! He's turned off the cameras," she exclaimed, her words coming out in rapid fire. "All the other agents are being alerted as we speak-"

"Em?" I called, finding the bed empty beside me. The bathroom door was closed. That had to be it. "Em?!" I called again, unable to keep the panic from my voice. I threw open the bathroom door - nothing. My heart dropped out of my chest. "P-Pen- Oh fuck, I- ..._Em_?!"

"Jayj, what are you- Isn't she with you?!" Garcia cried out.

I stared around the room desperately but there was nowhere to hide. "Pen, I've been asleep, I- How did I not-? How...? Call Hotch! Fuck, you need to- c-call Hotch!"

"I'm conferencing him in... _Hotch,_ Emily's already gone!"

"Are you sure?!"

"I- I don't know how it happened!" Garcia sobbed. She was really crying now - I was in a daze. "Sir, the cameras haven't shown any sign of interference until like _two minutes ago._ It's just not enough time. I don't- Oh my god, I don't- I don't even know how he could've done this, sir!"

"JJ, are you okay?" Hotch asked and I couldn't answer. I just couldn't answer.

The world around me span. Next thing I know, Hotch is there, in the room, followed by Rossi and Morgan and ten other people, but there's nothing to do. Nothing at all.

She's gone.

And suddenly the faint taste of her that's lingered in my mouth makes me feel sick.

* * *

"Gumdrop, I know you're scared out of your mind - we all are - but you've gotta eat something," Garcia pleaded with me. Hotch had flown her in as soon as Emily's disappearance had been confirmed. He wanted as much help on the ground as humanly possible.

"Pen, there's got to be something you could be doing other than nagging me about stuff that's not important," I moaned, continuing the pace the precinct. "Have you figured out how he got her out yet?"

"I'm working on it, okay!" Garcia replied, sounding dangerously close to crying again. "But you haven't eaten all day and that _is_ important, Jayj, whether you think so or not!"

It was 6pm. Emily had been missing for over 15 hours - at least. We knew this unsub - everything about him but how to stop him. She had to be going through hell. I reeled for a trash can. It wasn't the first time today. I kept one nearby now.

"Oh god, sweetie, it's okay, breathe..." Garcia soothed me shakily. Her hand appeared on my back but it was honestly the last thing I needed. I needed her to find Emily and that was all. "Honey, there isn't anything left in your stomach to throw up. I'm pretty sure you're onto major organs now... Is there something you can take? Maybe something to help you sleep-"

"Penelope, I love you, but if you think for one second I'm going to take _anything_ until Emily is back with us, you're fucking crazy," I bit out. I knew I was hurting her. I was hurting everyone today. But some sadistic part of my mind found it justifiable because _none of us_ could be hurting as bad as Emily. And she was alone and it was all my fault.

"I'm, um, going to get back to work..." Garcia replied defeatedly. "The cops have still got those two interns working. I'll send one of them to get you some soup or something easy like that. Try to eat it okay? And lay off the coffee - it'll just make you more upset, especially on an empty stomach..."

I waved her off, feeling broken and careless. When she was gone, I closed the door of the small meeting room I'd been occupying, sat down, and started to cry. I ran my hands repeatedly over my nearly flat stomach and cried for Emily and for our baby and, pitifully, for me too.

I let myself cry for all of fifteen minutes before forcing myself back outside to see what progress was being made. At this point I wasn't even trying to hide my red, swollen eyes. Who gave a damn what anyone thought of me now? I just wanted Em home. When I stepped back into the main room of the precinct, Garcia was talking excitedly. We all listened for a while, not really understand, but then she had a possible location up, blinking, on the screen.

The intern arrived with a covered plastic bowl - apparently he'd actually found takeaway soup somewhere - and I waved him off. Garcia thanked him and glared at me and Reid volunteered an empty thermos which was washed out and refilled for me.

"Stay here and drink your soup," Hotch told me firmly as the others all prepared to leave. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard him say.

"What's everyone's deal with the _fucking_ soup?!" I cried. "There's no way I'm staying behind!"

Hotch didn't back down. "The deal with the fucking soup," he replied, "Is that you haven't eaten all day, you're throwing up from anxiety every thirty seconds, you're _swearing_ at me and everyone else you encounter - which, in case you don't realise, is ridiculously unlike you - and you are, right at this second, _shaking._ I don't know if its nerves or fear or anger but JJ, you need to be able to see that you, as you are right now, would be a liability in the field. And we haven't got time to argue."

I did argue but nobody listened. And not long after I was pacing the precinct once again. I threw the thermos at a wall and was angry when it didn't break open and spray everywhere. Goddamn brilliant design. Garcia was hard at work via her computer and I couldn't help but notice the address... I slunk out of the precinct, commandeered an SUV, and set off myself.

* * *

The ambulance beat me to the scene but both of us were disappointed. Emily wasn't there. There was no sign she ever had been, or so it first seemed. Hotch was furious to see me out of the precinct and this was definitely not improved when I began throwing up in the garden. Why were these people trying to feed me when I couldn't even keep my own stomach acid down? I was driven promptly back to the hotel.

During the night I developed a fever. This is what I realised in retrospect but, at the time, it felt very different. Flashes of memory interspersed with what felt like whole lifetimes I might have lived but didn't, playing before my eyes. Everything too bright, almost glowing, and odd - like a painting done from fading memory. I was hot and cold and in constant pain and I heard someone whisper - or scream, it could have been either - "JJ? JJ, are you okay?!"

_Listen carefully._

What?

_JJ, can you hear me? Listen carefully._

I didn't know who was speaking but I managed a nod. I think. Maybe I imagined the nod. Maybe I just sat there dumbly. Or lay there dumbly. Or even stood there dumbly. I don't know which.

_JJ, you've been drugged._

No, no, no. I think I'd know if I'd been drugged. Where was Emily? Bring me Emily!

_You __**have**__ been drugged, JJ. The day before Emily was taken._

What did that make today?

_Focus, JJ. We need to know everything you ate and drank the day before Emily was taken and where you got it from. _

I don't know. I'm tired. Ask Emily.

_Emily was taken._

What?

_Taken-_

Taken where? When? Where is she?

_JJ, I need you to tell me everything you can remember eating or drinking the day Emily was taken..._

* * *

"...she wakes up... see Emily..."

"Emily?" I croaked, peeling my eyes open. Even that hurt. "Wh-where is Emily?"

"We got her, honey. You just relax," came Garcia's voice and it took me an extra moment to see her. I had to squint in the bright light.

"Pen," I groaned, relieved. "Emily-"

"You don't wanna know what happened to _you_ first, Jayj?" Garcia asked, smiling weakly.

I blinked up at her, trying to remember. "Drugged..."

"Yeah, Jayj, you were drugged," Garcia told me and, for the first time, I realised that Hotch was standing beside her.

"Does this mean I get off the hook for swearing at you?" I slurred.

Hotch didn't smile but he nodded. "Once we figured out which of the interns was slipping you dosed coffee, he confessed almost immediately and he told us how the man he was working for got in touch with him. We also checked the water bottle you drank from at the hotel and Garcia managed to-"

I waved details of the case away. "Emily's safe?" I sighed. My body wanted to go back to sleep but I needed to see her. "Is she here?" I'd already figured out that I was in hospital.

"She's here," Garcia breathed. "Hey, Em, turns out it's a good thing you didn't drink that soup-"

"Take me to her?" I didn't want to hear anything else but her voice. Hotch and Garcia said the case was over? I believed them. I could learn the details later. But they looked guilty, sad. "Why won't you take me to her? What's wrong?"

"S-she's pretty beat up," Garcia answered shakily. "But I know you need to see her, it's just... Jayj, there's something else we need to tell you. A-about the drugs they gave you... Jayj-"

I just nodded, trying to force sound through my tight throat. It took me a minute. "My stomach is killing me," I admitted quietly. "I know cramping like this is a bad sign..."

"I'm so sorry, JJ," Garcia wept. "You an Em were gonna... I can't believe..."

Hotch said something too but I tuned them both out.

Were we? Were Emily and I _really_ going to have a baby together? It had been two days of love and hope and talking about futures and now it all seemed so far away. Had it even really happened? Where was Will now?

"I need to see her. Please. Just take me to Emily."

* * *

Emily was asleep the first time I saw her. She was a living bruise, interspersed with gashes and grazes. I didn't need to ask what was done to her. I'd worked the case - I knew. I made Hotch and Garcia leave me and they told me that they shouldn't, with me in my condition. Finally Hotch left, while Garcia volunteered to wait right outside.

"Don't bother," I answered dully. I gripped the arms of my wheelchair tight before letting go and lifting a hand to cover Emily's. "You'll be waiting all night. I'm not going anywhere."

My doctor was sent to talk to me in Em's room. She asked me if I wanted to go somewhere more private.

I told her I already knew what she had to say. I'd had a miscarriage before. The doctor spoke in a quiet voice while I watched Emily and thought of the adoring look she'd given me when we stood together in front of the mirror - the way we'd marvelled over the fact that there was a baby growing inside me.

_'Yep, there's a baby in there all right...' _I'd breathed.

She'd cried when I asked if she would raise it with me. I thought of her wet cheek pressed against mine, her mouth leaving kisses all over my neck and chest, as if she was helpless to stop. I thought of the way she'd lain against me the night she went missing, her body against mine, smooth and healthy and whole. How had I let myself rely on her so quickly? How could I love and need her so much after just a few days? The obvious answer was that I'd always needed her, I'd always loved her. It was just typical that the minute I realised how much I had, it was gone.

"Is this your partner, Agent Jareau?" The doctor asked gently.

God, it should've been a simple question but it wasn't. Would she still want me without the baby? Without the teasing, silly, sexiness that had become our norm out of nowhere? I couldn't be that person right now. Would she still want whoever was left behind?

I made myself nod. "I hope so," I whispered.

"I spoke to the doctor who treated Agent Prentiss when she arrived. He believes she will make a full recovery."

"W-when will she wake up?" I asked falteringly.

The doctor was quick to reassure me that Emily had had to be heavily medicated on arrival so that all of her injuries could be treated, but she was expected to wake up any time in the next few hours. "It's really up to your partner at this point," she explained. "Whenever her body has decided it's rested enough, she'll be back with you."

"Thanks, doctor," I replied and she tried to bring up counselling before she left. I'd heard it before, I reminded her sadly, and she nodded. When the door closed, I turned my full attention back on Emily. "Wake up soon, okay?" I asked. "I need you."

* * *

I felt much stronger in the morning. The drugs were clearing out of my system and I even let Hotch explain the outcome of the case to me. I was numbly gratified to learn that Morgan had nearly killed the guy on Emily's behalf. The others came by too, although I didn't feel a lot like talking to them and they respected that. I played a few games of cards with Reid in Emily's room, all of which he won. Despite what the doctor had said, Emily herself slept on.

"I'm going to get some lunch," Garcia told me around one, as Reid and I wrapped up the last game I could bear.

"Bring me back something?" I asked. My appetite, which had been so ridiculously paltry lately, was back with a vengeance. I was inhaling food and keeping it down too. Part of me wondered if I wasn't just desperate to keep the little belly the baby had given me. Until I flattened out again, I could pretend it was all just a terrible dream... That part, at least. Emily's condition was painfully obvious.

"What do you want?" Garcia replied

And although it was me she asked, it was Emily who replied.

"Want JJ," she croaked.

Garcia let out a loud gasp. "Princess, you're awake!" she cried and I was back by Emily's side in an instant.

"Em, I'm here," I answered. "Are you okay? How's the pain?"

"Not awful," Emily replied. Her voice was low and raspy. I signalled for Garcia to go and find some water. "From... your face... Guessing it's bad."

"You're going be fine, Em," I swore.

Garcia wasn't long returning with water. I adjusted the angle of Emily's bed so that she could sit up a little to drink.

"Slowly," Garcia warned. Then, "I let one of the nurses know you're up. Someone will be here soon."

Emily's eyes were set bravely on mine. "Jennifer, what's wrong?" she asked.

"N-nothing," I lied. "You're okay. You're gonna be fine, Em."

"Then how come you look like someone just died?" Emily asked and I felt my blood run cold.

"Jayj..." Garcia said softly. That's all, just my name. But I couldn't take it. Suddenly tears were streaming down and I lifted my hands to cover my face.

"I can't," I whispered. "I gotta go..."

I passed Emily's doctor on my way past and he paused, as if to say something, but I just walked faster. I needed to get out of here but where to go? I hadn't been discharged yet but I was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, I was wearing shoes, and I was stable on my feet. I wasn't about to leave against medical advice but I also needed more privacy than lying in a bed with my chart attached to it could provide.

I avoided the cafeteria. Every other member of the team was probably there right now - except Hotch, who was expected to tie up all the lose ends of the case, as usual. I opted for the garden, seeking out a secluded corner and sitting for a few minutes before getting back up to pace. My phone vibrated but I dropped the call. It happened three more times before I picked up.

"Jayj, where are you?" came Garcia's concerned voice.

"I'm still at the hospital," I sighed without getting any more specific. "Pen, I need some time. Can you tell Em I'm fine and I'll be back later?"

"Gumdrop, pretending everything's okay isn't going to change anything," Garcia reminded me, as if I didn't know that. "At some point you're going to have to tell her about the baby."

"I know-"

"She needs you, Jayj."

I swallowed hard. "I need some time. I-"

"I know you're upset but you know what Em's been through," Garcia pressed. "I mean, you don't - not exactly... But you know... You know what he did to the others." Her voice shook with grief. "She's being strong, Jayj, but she _needs_ you."

"Not like I am now," I wept. I was beyond being ashamed of my tears. "She needs me the way I was before she went missing, when my baby was okay and we were so happy... I don't even know what we are now."

"She knows you're not okay, Jayj. She's not an idiot. She needs you to share it with her." Garcia paused, waiting for me to change my mind. "Jay-"

"I'm already walking back inside," I sighed. "Give me five minutes..."

* * *

"I said the exact wrong thing, didn't I?" Emily's voice was strained as I walked in.

I couldn't even reply, I just nodded, dropping into the seat beside her bed.

"Jen... I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," I acquiesced, trying to calm myself. "Sorry I ran off."

"We can try again," Emily whispered. She almost look scared as my head shot up. "I mean, we can try... together... for the first time. If you wanted to." I couldn't reply and Emily's expression flew from fear to hurt to something I couldn't read. I could almost see her folding inwards. "You know what, that's stupid. Sorry. I'm fine. You don't have to stick around."

I didn't want to. I hated seeing her like that. And I hated her seeing me like this.

Where was the giddy blonde to whom evidently nothing had mattered more than exploring sex with another woman for the first time? Those two days in which I'd been so blissfully happy now seemed unpardonably trivial. I couldn't separate the image of Emily as she came from the horror of waking up and finding her gone. She'd been hurt and I'd lost my baby - what would've been _our_ baby - and it all felt horrifically interconnected.

I had to force myself not to run away again, given the chance.

"I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant," I breathed. "I was terrified that I'd miscarry again. It's happened once before... Em, I'm terrified now. I can't go through that a third time."

"Would you let me do it?" Emily asked, running her hand over my arm uncertainly.

"Would I _let_ you?"

"Would you want me to?" Emily corrected herself.

"Em, what's happened to you is going to have consequences," I cried, avoiding the question. "We need to be focusing on _you._ I'm still so furious that I let it happen. I don't know how you can stand me being in the room."

"I _am_ focusing on me," Emily insisted. "Fear, anxiety - I can deal with those. I will deal with those. Losing the baby is devastating and it hasn't even hit me properly yet. But losing you, that's the only thing I could never recover from. And what happened to me doesn't change the fact that ever since you asked me to help you raise your baby, I've had this incredible feeling and I don't know if I can go back to living without it. I want a baby, Jennifer. I've wanted one since I was fifteen years old and I had an abortion that made me suicidal. And I want to do it with _you._"

"I- But- Em, we've never talked about this," I fretted.

"Jennifer, there are a lot of things we've never talked about," Emily replied. Her hand tightened on my arm. "But we can. And we will. I want to do this."

"Okay." My voice was less than a whisper. I swallowed tightly and tried to cough. "I- I want it... I do. Too."


End file.
